You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
