he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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