im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
