That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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