I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was so not down for the gang bang
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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