I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
