i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
