Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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