Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
