He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
