I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
