I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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