I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
