Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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