Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
