Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize