Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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