Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
