They should really pass out barf bags in church
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
