Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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