This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
