This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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