We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
