at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
