i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
