I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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