areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
