I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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