Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
