from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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