if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
