We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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