you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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