i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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