On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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