i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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