Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
