One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
