I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
