can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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