but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're like the curious george of whores
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
