My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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