we made out on top of his cat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
