omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
