We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My bed smells like the plague
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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