i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize