Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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