ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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