i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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