she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
