i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
