im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
