Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
