I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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