laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
