coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
