I'm lost and stupid without you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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