just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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