Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
