my mouth tastes like poor choices
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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