my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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