You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
