No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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