That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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