YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
