She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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